This week

Wednesday brings us a Virgo Full Moon but before she reaches bursting point the Moon meets oppressive Saturn tomorrow. The weight of responsibility and restriction is going to feel unbearable... until... As if on cue Unpredictable Uranus, he who rules Freedom, makes a dramatic entrance. By Thursday people everywhere will be breaking chains and bursting out like the Incredible Hulk. For Unexpected Developments that might light your touchy-paper see, ‘Why I’m gonna split my trousers’, below.

Aries
As Mars finishes his six week stay in your zone of wishes, parties, and hobnobbing you should get out and shake it while you still can. From next Monday your energy’s going to dip and your pillow could be your bestyfriend for a short while. Why I’m gonna split my trousers: The Full Moon glides by curmudgeonly Saturn in your 6th house of work and health followed promptly by Uranus going doolally in your 12th house of fear and loathing. Health stuff that pops up now needs a looksee – you’re not as young as you once were, Ramface. And if work has been doing your fabulous head in, your horns may be glinting ominously under the light of the silvery etc. A New and Surprising Way shows itself Thursday. Here’s hoping the boss is still in the mood to hear it.

Taurus
How’s the investigation, Columbo? As Venus gathers pace in Reverse Motion you’re heading back up the road to see what The Signs Said viz Love and Money. It's time to discover where you keep taking the wrong turn... In the meantime there’s energy in social circles, new acquaintances, and groovy networks. Cheer yourself with a friendly bunfight! Ask for friendly opinions! Why I’m gonna split my trousers: It could go either way. It’s a game of two halves. Tuesday’s Full Moon in your 5th house of lovers, chilun, and creative urges suggests that emotion in one or all of these areas is reaching a crescendo. Expect lovers to be demanding/needy/passionate. What happyhaps a day later is a surprising turnaround/lucky break/epiphany amongst your friends, new acquaintances, and groovy networks. Keep your pretty lashes batting, hoof-features. There could be sparkles.

Gemini
As your ruler zooms through your zone of Success it really is time to take your Career Aspirations and get jiggy with it. The boardroom table is yours, Airy, and from mid-March you’re flying high. Dominate. Anticipate. Plan meetings now. Why I’m gonna split my trousers: The Full Moon lands in your 4th house of home and family. Women in the family may be getting shrill on Tuesday so try and say something soothing. Likewise a homely wish for moving or buying that you’ve been working towards for ages reaches a breakthrough or breakdown point. If it’s breakdown, find someone to say something soothing. A lucky break on the career front may have people gawping at your sense of timing on Thursday. Even if it seems like a nosedive, rise up Fairy friend. The Universe is jolting you onto the right road.

Cancer
With such a head of steam building in your 9th house of study, travel, legal whatsit, and horizon-expansion the pressure is playing havoc with your trouser seams, Crabsticks. Watch the ego a little longer. With Mars still ranting about Things You Need to Let Go Of, any knee-jerk reactions this week are going to get messy, what with all those legs of yours and all. Why I’m gonna split my trousers: It’s not over until the Fat Lady sings is Your Mantra this week. The Full Moon is swelling your larynx, Cancer, and you’ll be hard pressed not to let ‘em have it in both ears. Be warned though. A development you could not have foreseen comes racing to you Thursday. The head of steam is going to get its freedom after all. Watch which bridges you burn before then, Savvy?

Leo
One more week of passion or squabbling with the current Royal Squeeze and then finances are going to be taking up all of your energy, your Majesty. From next week you’ll have five planets either in your bank vault or meeting with your accountants so you really do need to be getting a shoofty on viz the royal mint if I could be so bold. Career steps may need to be taken. Plot now for April moves. Why I’m gonna split my trousers: Necessity is the mutha of invention, your Hairiness. A sense of crisis in the royal waters regarding cash lands Tuesday – to be neatly met on the other side of a sleepless night by a rather marvellous money-making idea. The tried and tested approach needs chucking from the castle window. Let in some fresh air!

Virgo
You and Pisces are at the centre of the trouser-splitting hoojah. Firstly remember that you are currently in a Life Review and facing Some Big Questions. What ballast needs chucking overboard? Why did things in the past have to end, or slip by, or not go as you’d hoped? Make time for this rethink. It’s important work. Why I’m gonna split my trousers: The Full Moon is yours. High emotions, urges, and explosive frustrations are your friends; they illuminate what you are putting up with that is doing your bonce in. Is there something revealed here that needs binning? (See review, thing, above). On Thursday surprises and about turns in your close bidniz and loving partnerships land - but the who and the what will only be revealed when Uranus opens the envelope during possible turbulence. Brace, brace.

Libra
With one more week of Mars energy in your 5th house of lovers, chilun, and creative ting – which won’t return for another Two Years – you can see it’s muy importante that you get your back up off the wall, so to speak. Don’t panic! You don't need to perfect love, impregnation, or potato-painting by next Monday, Scales. It’s about confidence, making decisions, getting focused about what you want in these areas. Comprendo? Now get out there and practise, practise. Why I’m gonna split my trousers: The Full Moon in your 12th house of Meep! is going to be messy, no two ways about it. Write down what you’re so terribly frightened of and then come back to it a month from now. A soupy twist in the office on Thursday is at warp factor 8. Ch-ch-cha Chaaanges are blowing. Be inspired.

Scorpio
You’re starting to come out of a mini-hole, Scorpio, as planets leave the base of your chart and move into your Fun Zone. Lovers, squeezes, and chilun are in your thoughts and from next week will be getting some action! Why I’m gonna split my trousers: Wednesday’s Full Moon brings an emotional peak to issues around wishes and friends – either there’s something you’ve got to let go, or something you’ve been wishing for comes true. Across the skies the following day in your Fun Zone, Uranus meets the Sun. Surprise dealings with the stork, dramatic and unexpected changes to creative ventures, and out-of-the-blue chemistry with a cutie pie at the bus stop are all starred. Don’t get caught napping!

Sagittarius
With planets gathering at the base of your chart you may be feeling a little iccy and incapable, Archer. Add to that the comings-and-goings of former squeezes and it would seem that nothing is quite hitting the target. This too will pass. For the time being life may grow more intense so put down your quiver this week as and when you need to. That’s wisdom not weakness. Why I’m gonna split my trousers: A career plan you’ve been pedalling hard to make happen hits a high note or an almighty ding in the road come Tuesday. Gather, gather. It WILL be back on track if not now then within a matter of months. Unexpected changes viz home and family are due Thursday. As the dust settles, talk and listen in equal measure.

Capricorn
Home and family life is coming up for review starting this week, Goat. It’s likely to build slowly especially as you’ve a week left of intensive money conundrums. Come Monday week though, as dosh settles to a steady pace, you’ll be turning your attentions to home and hearth matters anon. Why I’m gonna split my trousers: The Moon glides by your ruler Saturn early doors this week. Watch a building crescendo for your most deeply desired horizons. Whether it’s foreign affairs, study, legal whatsit, or just a Big Step towards a bolder future it’s likely to bring Emotional Peaks or Troughs come Tuesday. Whichever way it goes you’ve the gumption to keep aiming for the mountain top. Watch Thursday and the coming weeks to persuade yourself and those around you. You have the gift of the gab NOW. Speak like the Goatee Leader you are.

Aquarius
Like the Regal Pussy Cats, finances are where it’s at for you, Inventive One. From next week you have five planets in your bank vaults or meeting with your accountants. Before then you’ve one more week of Mars’s attentions mekkin you demanding/angry/ unstoppable. With the review just starting in your third house of ‘How You Communicate,’ things coming out of your mouth this week may offer food for thought. Why I’m gonna split my trousers: A commission you’ve been preparing for comes good or bottoms out on Tuesday. Not one to be floored for long, if it doesn’t go your way you’ve inventive, surprising, money-making ideas whirring through your brilliant mind by Thursday. Kerching!

Pisces
It may feel like the changes are landing a week early, Fishy… So let’s do a spot of time-travelling! Your paranoia and low-energy are behind you. You are waking refreshed on a sunny morning, alive and vital, taking everything in your stride – even your financial review. There… you got it…? Okay. Why I’m gonna split my trousers: Big, emotional expressions from your one-to-one partners show they aren’t happy with your fuzzy approach to commitment and maturity. You don’t feel under fire, not at all. You’re in a groovy place, remember? So feeling groovy (not angered) you could compromise, walk away, or even postpone discussions until Thursday when – Eureka! – you recognise that there are changes You want for You (which may or may not also suit them too, bless ‘em).