This week

Mid-week is where the action is with two oppositions and Mars in the headmaster’s study for a talking-to. Fiery words spoken across the world are all spoken through fear; just watch and see who’s a back foot and who’s a front foot person when their ego gets the jitters. As far as we are all concerned there is a win win to be taken but it’s only available when we recognise that it’s fear that’s getting hold of our tongues. This week, for no logical reason, Astrobabble is tawkin to you with a nasal New Yorker twang. Go figyur.

Aries
Your condo is where it’s at this week, ducky, widda inlaws, de outlaws and Aries junior callin’ round with pizza poy - and there you are, all foyrd up for decoratin’ and pilin’ up your crib wid scatter cushions and t’rows an’all. It’s busy, yeah, but it feels good. And what’s more you loyke it so just do it, do it. The don’t do it this week is a big phat Don’t Pop Your Boss in the knee cap like a hoodlum. Saturn and angsty Mars have a showdown mid-week – so when the boss asks you to step into his office – or when you ask some lowlife schmo to step into yor office - you can betyor bottom dollar that the tayt a tayt aint gonna go nicely nicely. The problem here is that the two of you is on the defensive and so yous both puffin out yaw chests trying to mayklikeyou ees Mr Big. You cahn’t win the battle but you can win the war. How? Whoever shouts, loses the argument, that’s all oym seyin.

Taurus
Dere’s somting you wanna get oyff yor chest, Bull, but yagonna have to let it boiyl quoyutly for a few weeks more, until mid-August in actjewel fact. Mercury the chatterbox of the skies is chasing sex-in-the-city Venus and the proposal he wants to make to huh about love, children, and other creative pursuits, nahaha, won’t be ripe until 19th August. So – what’s a pretty bovine to do in the meantoyme? Well this week you can watch yaw temper when it comes to money. Deyare opportunities around dis week and lucky brayks to do with lettuce accurring for you midweek but you gotta belieeeve it’s right for you and not get defensive when you reach for dese tings or ansgty about taykin ‘um. Take um. Tell him dey’s yaws and you disoyve it. Mid-week is hot hot hot for tempers and passions too. Astrobabble seys line up the money deal, take the winnings, then take your honey to a motel room and celebrate your big win as only you beef boygers know how.

Gemini
Mercury, your very own yadada high-speed cycle courier, leaves yaw stoop this week space cadet and before he gets into the next lane you are going to have one mutha of battle holding yaw tongue. The courier faces awff to Pluto in a back alley in your zone of relating to impoytant others midweek. Cawt red-handed you have two options. Well actjewely you have heapsa options but the two extremes heeyuh are (1) Fight (2) Run. Here’s two bucks on (1), double or quits. You cayn’t buy energy to spill your guts like this very awphan. So for what its woyth Astrobabble says spill. Yaw attention is toyning inwards anyways, back to yaw home and fahmly - where you came from, where’s yaw goin’ and there’s news and movement on this front Thursday and Monday 14th. Bad: don’t tawk to yamudda like that! Good: Mortgage deals get approval under these skoys. One notto benay, hmm, whoyle weeer tawkin. You will have to come back out into the big wide woyld at some point. Don’t torch your bridges like uh schmuck. [Pregnant Gemini Angelina Jolie is due to pop her own twins anytime soon. Astrobabble goes with a c-section on Thursday when Mars (metal) meets Saturn (parent). Whhhhat? 2 + 2 = 4! Whaddoooyouknow? (Ay?! WhaddooIknow?!)]

Cancer
The Sun and Venus are maykin you partially happy. Howeva, you’re still getting the 3am voices… Being trussed like a Thanksgiving toykey has its time and place, Caynsa, but being voybully haymstrung by the voices in your head is fun for nobudees but a shrink. Who said that? Nahaha! Only kiidn. This coming weekend the voices finally leave their 3am echoes and yous get yaw tongue back so’s you can start to yadada – but if you know what’s good for you you’ll hang foyuh until the weekend despoyte the boyning temptation to come outta the gate screaming yaw mind like a wacko Jack in the Box. Mars and Saturn hook up for cawfee Tursday in yaw house of chitter chat at the same toyme that Pluuudo kneecaps Mercury on the cusp of your first house. It’s complicated. Let’s just say if you start feeling like yaw about to explode, get thee to a floatation tank and let it out theyuh. And maybes stay away from cawfee and other stimulants til tings have settled down.

Leo
Lettuce is yaw big focus this week, Kitten. Bread, lucre, lettis. Mars shares a pastrami on rye with Saturn (hold the tamaytoes, easy on the mayo, heavy on the – yeah you guessed it - lettuce! Nahaha) and as you know, coz Astrobabble has told yaw sorry ass, it’s time to wise up and get all groooowed up with yaw finances. Mid-week is the hat-spat and if you don’t tayk yaw chances now dey won’t come round agayn for a whoyll. What you wishin’ fo’ cat? What you thinkin’ you would buy if you had the dough? Mercury facing off to Pluuuuto is mekkin you name yaw deepest wishes out loud. See how noyce they ring? Now are you brave enough to put those woyds out there? The Sun and Jupiter say even though yaw feeling small, work’s gonna getchuu to those wishes if you ask – so aysk nicely nicely enough. After this week you lookin at a month or mo before you get another chance. So what you waiting for? Taxi!

Virgo
Mid-week is where it’s at. Powerful aloynments are bringing you to fruitful points which will be sealed by the eclipses in August - when Astrobabble will be tawking noymally again. Wensday tru Thoysday yaw ruler Mercury faces awff to Pluudo, the Sun opposes Jupituh, and Mars and Satun hook up in yaw foist house of You, Yourself, and You. What’s a gal to do? There’s a dialawg heya – literally about mutha / fartha stuff but metaphorically aynd emotionally about you movin away from those archetoypes and tekkin yaw life by the cajones and runnin with it. Don’t be dragged down being too afraid to ask for what yaw mutha was always too afraid to ask for. Ask for it now. Yaw wishes and golden chances are Definitely coming yaw way this week. And when an awthority figure questions you – or a somebody questions yaw awthority – for the first time in your life answer as you are, not as yaw inner child still wants you to be. Stand tall. You are more than your ego. You are yaw own parent now. So raise yawself.

Libra
Ittsa hard knawk loyfe, Libraa, and decisions you make this week need to be brave. Pluuudo in yaw house of chatter faces awff to Mercury in yaw house of fewtyua horizons and the win-win is only pawsible tru compromise. As de scales this should come nayturally but the apple cart’s on dicey ground. Woyds said mid-week may sting initially but deyare only to bump you back awnto the royt lane of yaw highway. Tink oiv it as cosmic traffic control. Whether it’s a boss figyur that gives yaw ego a slap, or a parent bringin out de woyst in you, this is no toyme to be wishing you were Big Tony so you could wreak yaw revenge in deadly fashion. Wreak yaw revenge by not going awta your freakin mind. Wreak yaw revenge by lettin it float awff you loyk feathuhs. A conversation you need to have about money is brewing but it won’t be widyou until August. Until then focus on yaw home. News mid-week on home and faymilee looks positive.

Scorpio
Yaw mahntra dis week, Scoypio, is that Woyds Open Dooors. That said some of the woyds you hear or maybes even use yawself dis week maybe a little freakin strawng. Ahys Mercury screams loyk a hooker at Pluuto her pimp this week, you gotta ask yawself the same question – when am I gowinta get what I’m woyth? Puttin the hours in but not getting the dough is for schmos who don’t know bettah. Enough already widda halo, Scorpio, a’riite? ‘Advice’ from ‘friends’ mid-week may also rub sahlt into a wound or t’ree but dey ain’t meanin it that way. See the sense in it. The cosmos is bringin’ you a toymely remoynder that yaw dreams are way up at the top of the Heights. To get dere, you gonna have to woyk yaw ass off. As Mars shares a training session with Saturn aka Rocky Balboa mid-week, hear the Oy of the Toyguh in yaw ears, and start shadow boxin’ your way to your dreams.

Sagittarius
Pluuuuto is whisperin’ all kinds of sh*t in yaw ears, Archuh, aynd if you listen to him lawng enuf you’re gonna splurt all sorts of sh*t to those closest to you – maybes even yaw bawss?! Put down the slingshot already. What are you scayd of the most? What old wound are you trying to hide from the world? Yaw mutha may have told you that you could do no wrawng – but that’s what muthas say. It don’t mean sh*yut. You can do wrawng and you do – and it’s a’riite for people who knows you to sometimes tell you they think you are wrawng. If the bawss suggests midweek that you can do betta don’t throw him thru the open window and waste the next 10 years of yo’ life in the pen’. Say gee thanks and then start planning where yaw going to next – when you have got even betta. You see? The Cosmos is lookin’ out for you by raisin’ the bar for you to jump over. Your dough is looking good – but wait until Jupiter goes forwuds in September before you jump ship or tayke a gamble.

Capricorn
The Sun and Venus are dining out this week and there’s love stuff in yaw head if not yaw life but it’s not really the big news. The top story at CNN is that if Astrobabble was a gamblin’ mayn, it’d be putting a few dollars on a few Goats losing they cool this week. Pluuuto is hiding down the alleyway of yaw fears and he’s telling you loud and clear that you have no control. Nope. None. This week somebody gonna say somethin’ that hits yaw sad sorry fear about havin no control, and you may just lose it in a mighty big way. The lazy guy at the bar will tell ya it aint worth it. Losing control is for schmos. And he’s right. Imagine how good you will feeeeyul if someone was to comacha all shouty and crayzee and you were to just calm them down with a stare and a quoyut woyd, loyk Clint or Robert Redfoord. Do it. And in doin it you calm the crazy voice inside you that needs to let go of control for eva.

Aquarius
As Mercury opposes Pluuuto you get a reality check which sez – here’s what you wished for and you suddenly have to (a) raise yaw game or (b) run for the John and hide from yaw destiny. Larry at the bar is watchin all this and he’s thinking you’re a schmuck but don’t get crawss with Larry, get crawss with yawself. Enough already with the fear, Aquarius. It's time to start living yaw life like you have set of cajones to work wid here. Mid-week an opportunity for work comes up, don’t be too scared to grap it. It’s time to change yaw life and raise yaw game. This week it's your freakin ego that’s getting the heavy treatment from Saturn, the Big Tony of the skies. Go with it. Let him spin you round a little. You’ll be grateful latuh, you'll be free. At the end of the week Venus is movin into yaw seventh house of love stuff. In advaynce of the sap rising, Astrobabble sez, “Get a room!”

Pisces
Until you sawt your ‘stuff’ widyor mutha and fartha yaw relationships are awll gowingto feeyul loyk they are curbin’ yaw life. Mid-week you will tawk like you mutha when somebody or something triggers an old reaction to yaw fartha and if you can be wise just for a moment you’ll see that you awr perpechewatin an unnecessary cycle unnecessarily. Relationships in yaw life now – either tru woyk or tru pleashah all have a power and conflict element to them; Mars hooking up to Saturn this week is you committing to being the force or committing to being the forced. Wid Pluuuto and Mercury screaming across the skies like two caterwauling parents, there maybe no peace for you atawll this week Fish. Find some peace of mind with childriin and creative ventewers. If life don’t bring you the picnic, then you’ll just have to make one for yawself.