This Week

If you’re feeling cross, cross, cross because things aren’t happening in Your Own Time because of a stupid thing called Waiting, then I have little comfort to add here this week. As we head into Aries’ territory and the Moon grows Full and Pluto squares both the Sun and the Moon impatience is vv much the Word of the Moment. Book yourself at least four hours of YOU time this week, get to a field and let it out. Don’t let it out to the customer services monkey / your betrothed / the boss. The pressure cooker will calm in its own sweet time of course, namely in about a week, until then take it easy on the caffeine and sugar. And remember if the vodka and the cherry shortbread fails, repeat at the top of your lungs ‘This too will pass…’ to a wall.

Aries
The good nooos is that the Sun is arriving at your door later this week. This makes you pretty and hopeful and eager to shine like a shiny thing for the next four weeks. The bad news is that as the Sun rat-a-tat-tats on your door he simultaneously has a set to with the cosmic rottweiler, aka Pluto, just a few doors down and tsk, cops a load of Full Moon crazy from over the road. If you have not been paying heed to Astrobabble and its urges to sort it out over these past few weeks it may well come to pass that you have absolutely no control over how you sort it out now. Molten lava and rocket blast off, kiddo. Stratospheric angry-crazy. Those closest to you are going to be nearest the fire when your spleen explodes. And no, there’s no point warning them in advance. They’ll be tetchy if ya do, tetchy if ya don’t. By next Monday, when you’re nursing the almighty anger-hangover that these moments have a tendency to leave us with, you’ll be asking yourself, “Was it worth it? Did I say what I meant – and mean all those things I said?” You’d better.

Taurus
Known the zodiac over for your patience, you may find that as this week grows and grows you can’t seem to find that patience anywhere, and anyone who says impertinently ‘Where did you last have it?’ are likely to be gored. [In a spirit of public health and well-being perhaps you could print this off in big letters and wear it as a sort of sandwich board wherever you go.] Before the goring becomes critical, Wednesday sees a step forward; a change you’re after vis your dreams and getting ahead in life gets a bit of a boost-ette. Frustratingly almost as soon as it does you have a spiritual panic attack. It’s as if the boost-ette makes you leap to conclusions about how it may be, and as you look up you see another little step and another little step and then, suddenly, looming ahead is the mountain top, the natural culmination of adding all the little steps together. And then you shrink back in fear. How can it be so? How could I… me… little, old, stupid, useless, bozz-eyed, fat, lazy, charmless, ugly, short-arsed me handle it?! Have you heard yourself, Bully? Nelson Mandela once said, “It’s not failure we fear but success.” You’d be wise to spend a little time right now talking to that little lost voice in your head that’s scared of something so right working out so well. And then, next week, when the patience returns, you’ll find yourself putting one gorgeous, perfectly-formed hoof in front of the other en route to your hopes and dreams…

Gemini
The dialogue in your treehouse this week, Airy one, is what you may have to let go of in order to get what you want. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing as dropping the ballast now will augur in a time of strong belief in yourself and your ability to reach your dreams like a drawbridge to that ship you’ve been waiting on, like a rope ladder up to the crow’s nest. The savvy traveller in life would be saying to you, “Why trek with a lead weight strapped to each shoulder blade? Lead weights make rubbish wings.” And they speak The Truth. There’s something which has been niggling since January which you must now deal with. If it’s an aspect of your personality that needs tweaking you aren’t going to like it, especially if lovers, creative projects, and/or children deliver a message that you aren’t cutting the mustard in a particular department. But if you can reach into the glory between your ears and morph their words into a helpful sign instructing you to ‘drop the leaden wings’ and an arrow pointing you back to ‘the bigger picture and your true course’, then you’ll have won first prize in the philosophy stakes during this rather competitive Cosmic climate. And you’ll be on the money. Kerching!

Cancer
Full Moons always leave you a little shaken and stirred and this one, Miss Moneypenny, is building in your everyday world and then culminating in your house of home and family. Drawing the blinds on your shell and hiding under the settee just won’t work this time. No sireebob. Goodbyes are due, endings, whether there are big changes at home like you moving house or even your children and/or close family members moving away. It may even be a significant other in your life who’s moving on or facing some big changes in their world. Human beans generally resist change like fools at a jukebox but this time you’ll know what’s happening is the right thing, you’ll feel that in your waters, and you’ll feel that it’s the right time. There’s such a stack of good schtuff heading up the garden path to meet you – more travel, re-shaped long-range plans, success, and great things for the significant others in your life – whether they are bizniz or romantic partners. Some emotional watersheds leave us feeling battered. Others, like this one, make life better. With Mars and the Sun on your side, and Jupiter, Chiron, the healer, and Uranus sharing neighbouring hammocks in your house of distant shores (metaphorically and literally) ring the changes loud and proud, treacle. Ding Dong.

Leo
Next week you will feel a lot more like the King of the Jungle who has respect and power and very, very pretty hair. First though, you have This Week to deal with. You may feel that every damn eejit on the Serengeti is tracking you down just to (a) ignore you (b) wind you up (c) kick dirt on your bison carcass. The roar of anger will begin gathering in the fluffy bit at the end of your tail on Wednesday. It will be fuelled by (a) money and (ai) why you haven’t got any, (b) the feeling that everyone is out to get you, and (c) an incontrollable rage that none of the fools around you realise that you have bigger plans that need attending to and (ci) that these fools are getting in the way of them. As the roar bursts on Friday it might well land in the office or at a community event, though hopefully where there are no children present. Or bosses you need to keep sweet. Or people subsisting at the mercy of a pace maker… There is a way out of this, Claude. The skies speak of forthcoming beautiful, lucrative, surprising event/events - news of which will be heading your way only next week. That’s not long to wait, eh puss? Surprisingly, perhaps, it’s your work-a-day world - and your service to others – that’s going to bring you the good stuff aka closure and the new start you’re hungry to run towards.

Virgo
It’s a complex picture isn’t it Virgo? You can feel there’s some really sweet fruit on the tree but you’ve got an irksome feeling in your belly that if you go to take it you’ll be bitten by a snake/shot for scrumpying/ or laughed at for mistaking a Bramley apple tree for a Braeburn. What is certainly true is that you know what it is you wish for so dearly for yourself. More to the point you will feel it acutely this week before you have to make any big decisions about where and when to do the fruit picking. Something needs to change and this week it will. It might just be a state of mind. It might be the fruit field you’re in (literally or metaphorically). But likely, with the Full Moon landing smack bang on your piggy bank on the window sill, it’s about how you make money, and more to the point, who pays you. This call to attention is a jolt to remind you that you have a chance now to really clear up financially, but you may have to rethink the way you source and provide your fruit at market. On a seemingly unrelated note: This Sun and Pluto square can stir up some v deep feelings about sex – an old hang up, a lover who challenges your barriers, a lover who won’t get as fruity as you like, a lover who ends things before you’re ready. Take care of your heart, first and foremost, but see if you can also stand back and see these feelings from a new perspective. This sexual twist may also be a jolt to rethink the ways you source, share, and provide those particular - and important – fruits too.

Libra
The Full moon gets you every year at about this time. Normally you’d find yourself feeling a little more tired than usual in the mornings, a little more wired and insomniac in the wee hours, or a little more aware at how many more idiots there are on the roads than usual. Roadhog!! A normal emotion too at this time of year, as the Sun and Moon face off across the skies, is a heightened awareness of the good, the bad, or the missing-altogether in your one-to-one partnerships. Are you getting what you want? Are you good enough to get what you want? This year you’ll feel it tenfold. Sitting between the Sun and the Moon like a giant, barnacled reptile is Pluto. He is not interested in your passing whims and indecisiveness. His only concern is to lash his tongue at you if you ignore these glaring issues and try to buzz passed him like a fly hell-bent on nothing more important than the kitchen garbage. He sits squat-like at the doorway to your house of home and family. Getting passed him means detonating your inability to let go of the mother hang ups and the home-clinging that have been weighing you down. Messy as that is you’ll see the results within a week. You’ll feel stronger knowing that you got your dragon, Georgey. And even your health will up a gear. Getting what you want is really about healing your childhood demons, but you knew that already.

Scorpio
Like your friend the Fish you’ll really be feeling the power of the coming bubbles, Scorpio, like dem champagne corks when dey em about to blooooow! You’re reviewing your wishes and sifting out the ones that hold water from - those that sift! But the real action – and all those bubbles - are coming from your zone of creativity, children, and/or lovers. On a creative tip this week and all of next keep talking and listening to the ideas coming up. Talky, brainstormy, shared doddling good. Surprises are in store and these are wrapped in ideas and talky talky. Some of them may even reveal money too. Woohoo! On a babies and children front this fortnight may well bring the conception, the positive pee test in the toilet cubicle at work - or the birth!! Congratulations! On a lovers front someone in the frame now could really have you overwhelmed. Japanese poetry and surprise flower deliveries. Swoon and golly gee. Whether it's creativity, sprogs, or lovey dovey stuff on Friday when the Full Moon has you paranoid as a paranoid thing and your head starts shrieking, "It can’t happen to me, not me of all people, not bow-legged, incontinent, musty-smelling, halitosis-suffering, two-left footed old me?" Look up, Scorpio. It is.

Sagittarius
Money good on the home front; money not so good on the wish front… It would seem the home improvements you’ve been working on have upped the value of your mud hut considerably - and will up it more than you’d hoped and yet… the dream of a raised stilt condo in the Alps, a half-share in the race-winning camel, your very own Lear jet piloted by a team of marines is still out of your grasp. Confound it! Friday’s Full Moon isn’t a final say that the condo/camel/marines can’t be yours eventually but this timely appearance of Pluto in your second house of earned income definitely spells n-o-t-o-n-y-o-u-r-n-e-l-l-y for now. Pluto is after The Truth, low-down, dark and dirty as it may be. He’ll be sitting in your money box for a loong stay and he wants to know your truth when it comes to the Yankee dollar. How far you’re prepared to go to accrue it, how much of it you’ll give up to get something of more value. It’s a big old question. No rush. The intensity of Friday’s disappointment is only to bring the money question back to the top of your to do list. By the close of the weekend your attention will be deliciously diverted to your playroom and/or boudoir. The Sun has rocked up in your house of creativity, children, and love affairs for his annual four-week stay. [I said annual.] Getting some/more/less of the above is where you should be aiming your bow and arrow as ‘twere. Just be careful how you go about it. You could have someone’s eye out with that thing.

Capricorn
Ooh goat. The mountain’s really got your, hm, goat… this week. If it’s not some snivelling little communications snafu on Monday (why don’t they listen?! Why!?) then it’s a ruddy hiccup of a bugger on the home front (some damn incompetent ruining your plans), or it’s an inner cawing half-feathered baby bird twittering on about whether money really sustains you… All you want to know is why the little mangy devil doesn’t just shut its soft beak or instead provide a reasonable answer as to what the Dickens would be more entertaining and wholesome to aim for instead. And if all of that wasn’t enough significant others are making you mad. Either all they think about is sex. Or instead all they accuse you of is thinking about sex. And you are thinking about sex, of course, godammit! But who isn’t!? And you’re shouting more than usual. Gee whiz, lovely. What a ball ache… The thing is… The thing is the planets are squishing you so that you dislodge the stuff that isn’t doing you any favours any more – kind of like a cosmic Himmler manoeuvre. No! A cosmic Hitchcock manoeuvre.. a Heineken remover.. er... Once the skanky fishbone of the past is emitted you’ll find that next week everyday life will be flowing along nicely, that your calmer words will be bringing some pleasant surprises, and that the vision/reality of your home-life is perhaps a lot more cosy in a slippers-and-favourite-dressy-gog-by-the-fire kind of way.

Aquarius
If some facet of your long range plans receives a set back this week it’s only the Universe tapping you on the shoulder and steering you back to the here and now and things that need saying or doing or discussing in your every day world. Your focus, much as it can cover the globe in the blink of an eye, needs to be much more localised in the coming weeks. With Pluto in the mix you may take someone’s comments or suggested changes as being a direct move to undermine you. [Aside] ‘Forsooth! Ist that this heathen fool questions mine own power to think and chose for mineself, the petulant knave?’ If you can just let the petulant knave’s comments percolate by next week you’ll see the sense of it. This week, then, take the ‘affront’ as a mental exercise in letting someone else’s creative thoughts shape a few decisions. If you’re feeling niggley with a co-worker ask yourself if it’s about them getting a fatter pay cheque than you and then be prepared to do something about it. Your stars are good re: money and early this week is a bumper crop time to start talking about it. You’ve likely been asking for less than you’re worth for a while. Your gut feeling is infallible and you’ll seem to have a second sense in knowing when to ask and to ensure you get what you want.

Pisces
It’s really bubbling away isn’t it Fish? Deep changes in the deep waters of you’re poetic heart that you have wished for, and probably written songs over, but never really believed could come true are presenting themselves to you for the first time this lifetime. Every little cell in your body is electric, every little scale standing to attention. Within the next two weeks a proposition (and yes, I’m talking of a romantic marriage-style variety) or a business contract that forecasts money, luxury, passion, and creativity in spades is going to be made by you or to you. By golly gee wow. Before those moments arrive you’ll feel the intensity mounting. As the Moon bubbles up through your relationship house on Wednesday and Thursday you’ll be palpating. And as the Moon crashes like a giant wave at the gates of your 8th house of deep abandon on Friday, you can expect to feel a distinct moment where the tide grabs all the regrets, mistakes, wrong turns and disappointments of the past and then draws them out of you and carries them away into the deep, black ocean forever. (Oh god this is just like a movie.) It’s intense. The violins are scratching away like billio in a fury. And once you’ve caught your breath and opened your eyes, you can see before you a very rosy future / future prospect (if bizniz not lovey stuff). Deep joy!! (Lovey stuff) / Big party!! (Either stuff).